The Power of Love
by The Best Fics Ever
Summary: Our first chapter fic ever. A highschool lovedrama of epic proportions. MercuryxBeryl. Uber wooy! Not woot. RxR OMFGWTFYO!111adenine.kthxbye
1. A Catastrophe

**Disclaimer:** We totally own _Sailor Moon_. Like, seriously. every episode and the movies. All of it. eBay, yo.

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**The Power of Love  
**_Dopey Was The Only Dwarf Without A Beard_

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Ami looked at the math equation and wept.

"IF AMI CAN SOLVE IT NO ONE CAN!!" Usagi and someone random screamed at thew same time.

Everyone blinked loudly.

"I mean... If anyone can solve it, Ami can."

Sitting in her desk at the corner of the room, Rei prayed to strange Shinto gods. She was, after all a pagan whore, I mean heathan.

Ami's mind was a misty haze of Mercury Bubble Splash, "Bubbles, bubbles, my bubbles." The night before came back to her in a misty memory.

_Misty water-coloured memories, of the way we were..._

Everyone screamed and ran from their desks as a bear burst through the door.

Mr. Mamoru, the teacher, coughed loudly, "They can smell the menstration."

After they had finished running from the bear, they started walking down the hallway, Ami with her cane. Minako, Makoto, and Dr. Foreman, followed her, their hands shoved into their labcoats as they walked down the hallway. They walked down the hallway to the background music of The Power of Love.

Suddenly, Principal Beryl ate a whole pizza and three quarters of another one while Ami commented on how low-cut her shirt was today.

Principal Beryl growled, "I don't take wardrobe advice from crippled drug-addicts."

Ami popped another vicotin and rolled in the hay, in her mind.

But oh. How the memories be hauntin'.

The janitor's closet's door flew open suddenly, and Snape and Dumbledore fell across the floor, their limbs and hair intermixing like blood on the tile floor. Because they had sex. In the closet, with the candlestick. And smoked a cigarette.

And it was grrrrrreeeeat.

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**Disclaimer:** We don't own _Finding Nemo_, Barbara Streisand, _Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy_, _HOUSE_, _Harry Potter_, Clue, or Tony the Tiger. We just own France, which is infested with gay. Don't breathe the air there; you'll catch the gay.

**A/N:** _I like France. Do you, Pat?_

Um...Sorry, I didn't catch that, I was washing my hair.

_Oh, I you didn't look like it. Sorry for interrupting you._

That's OK, Ima. I do not feel the need to comment on France at this point, for I fear I may be marauded by our French fans.

_Aha. French people don't speak English. Haha._

Oh, that's right. They hate America anyway!

_What?! Sure, ok. Anyway, a million's comments._

Wasn't Knive's first name Million? Wasn't it?

_Sure._

AND A MYSTERY WAS FORMED, but kind of not. Until next time, folk. We must leave you, for we find our prey approaching. He wears pink pants. We call him Elton... John.


	2. A Cat and a Strophe

**Disclaimer:**We do not own _Sailor Moon_, _House_, the U.S. Constitution, _Fruits Basket_, Jimmy Buffet, _Legally Blonde_, the Dixie Chicks, or Da Pimp Hand (which is the sole property of our pimp, who shall remain nameless).

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After the fiasco with the bear was finished, they all returned to class. It was only a moment later that Principal Beryl called Ami to her office. "Ami, come to my office." Her voice boomed loudly over the school intercom and every Ami in the school promptly stood at attention by her desk and began marching to the hallway.

When they all arrived, Principal Beryl looked outside her office and shouted, "What the hell? Aren't you all supposed to be smarter than this! You know which Ami I want!" And she pointed to the blue-haired girl who was Sailor Mercury's secret identity.

Ami nodded and rolled up her sleeves to display "the guns" and yelled, "Yeah, fools. You all's be immitatin'."

"Ami!" the overbearing principal shouted. "Quit dat be showin' off in front of da homies, and get in dis here office 'fore I toss you da pimp hand!"

Ami squeaked and scampered into the office frightfully, "Yes, sir!" Once they sat down, however, and the door was shut, Ami made yet another snide comment about how low-cut Principal Beryl's shirt was and mentioned something about hating Clinic work.

Beryl scoffed back something about years worth of over due paperwork before leaning back in her desk chair, "You know, Ms. Mizuno, I could be livin' off sponge cake, watchin' the sun bake," she paused in a manner that seemed awkward in the middle of a monologue before continuing, "all of the tourists covered with oil. But NO! I woke up at the ass crack of dawn, I took a shower, had my coffee, watched the Today Show and I came to work. Because I have obligations, dammit. I have responsibilities. And I'm not about to give those up. I am not ABOUT to let someone take my life, liberty, and right to happiness away from me. Oh NO SIREE, not I!" She yelled passionately and turned to Ami, beady eyes blood-shot and worn, pointed nose twitching intuitively, and the candelabra cast an eerie glow upon her face as she spoke, "And now I ask you Ami..." She paused again, "WHY?"

Ami's eyebrow twitched in the typical way of anime characters, and she stared with the raised eyebrow still twitching. Beryl groaned and asked, "What the hell is that?"

Ami cleared her throat and replied, "Oh, just another little seizure. I get them every now and then when I'm wondering why idiots are talking to me. Why, what?"

"WHY," Beryl punctuated with the word with a stapler, "WHY," she repeated unnecessarily, "WHY did we spend that beautiful night together, and then you NEVER CALLED ME!"

"Umm...I'm sorry?" Ami said, looking confused.

"So, what?" Beryl went on. "That's it? Well, fine! I've spent too many hours crying over you!" And she reached over the desk, slapping her hard across the cheek.

Ami looked dazed and confused as suddenly two girls approached her chair and asked her out looking impressed.

Suddenly, a tall man with long silver hair burst through the door and proclaimed, "Ah, but isn't this a heartrending scene! Two lovers, torn apart at the seams! My, how tragique!"

Ami glared hard at the random man and said, "Dude, you're in the wrong anime."

Ayame looked around with much confusion and realized that he wasn't in Shigure's house, giving his heartfelt speech to Yuki and Tohru. "Oh, my!" he said, eyes wide in surprise. "Forgive me! That speech wasn't meant for you! Carry on!"

Completely dismissing the intrusion, Ami rushed from her seat and around the desk and kneeled by Beryl's swivelly computer chair and took her hand in her own. She looked up, eyes filled with tears and said, "You're right. I didn't call you. I was afraid! Afraid of everything! Afraid of monsters! Afraid of dark places! You see, I need... WIDE OPEN SPACES...!"

Beryl, though intrigued and slightly placated, slapped her again and said, "You idiot! Don't you know it's taboo to sing Dixie Chicks? They INSULTED our PRESIDENT to FOREIGNERS! Nobody, but NOBODY, takes advice from their lyrics anymore!"

But Ami shook her head sternly, and said, "I know it's taboo, but it's true! I just had to say it, and there I did! And while I'm at it, I kicked a puppy on the way to school this morning. There! Aren't you shocked! I'm a horrible, horrible person!" She began to slap herself muttering, "Whore, whore, whore..."

Beryl took her hand to make her stop and put the other hand gently to her cheek. "Ami," she said, pausing dramatically again. "You may be a whore...but the important thing is that you're MY whore."

Ami and Beryl fell under the desk in a tangle of passionfruit and moans when suddenly-- Sailor Uranus slammed open the office door and screamed, "STEP AWAY FROM HER! STEP AWAY FROM MY BABY GIRL YOU SOCIAL SECURITY SUCKING WHORE!"

They paused momentarily to look up, and when the overzealous blonde with the butch haircut realized her mistake, she looked exceptionally embarrassed. "Oh! Whoops! I...I thought you were Michiru...I-I...Well, continue, anyway."

And they did. On into lunchtime. And then they smoked a cigarette. And it was good.


End file.
